love revolves around. # 7.

#7.

Aryan speaks....

29th Nov, 2006.

Aryan in one of his diary entries:

Dear diary,

Udita is gone and she will never be back, I kept neglecting the reality for almost 4 years now,

Wondering from place to place, none of them provided me with any kind of solace, just unwelcoming torture and pain. 

Today, I set ablaze the letters, gifts, and few shirts which she gave me once. 

Watching them fade away, pins and needles ran up the back of my neck.

 But I knew these would never erase her, all the bundle of memories is too reluctant to go away.

Frankly speaking, I still remember her scent at odd times of the day...

The days passed away with a blink of an eye,

now I feel your absence

with a pain inside.

Your walking away from my life,

made me realise

how much dependent I was,

in that little span of time.

The last four years were the toughest, I remember the days following her exist and thinking about them still makes me shiver. 

I had dreamed everything with her, every decision was connected to her, like an adjective to a noun, and she followed me everywhere. 

But nothing has changed much in these years; like a rising sun, she made her omnipresence felt, but her rays were not warm; instead they pierced me from every corner. 

It became intolerable for me to bear the pain; even my salt waters were ineffective. The healing process lasted for days, but with its departure another one followed. 

At last I surrendered, she was unforgettable.

Like passing clouds in the sky, her dreams brushed me every other night; they were my only means to see her, to capture her cute smile; which used to suck out every little trauma of worries from my life, to brush her face with my hand, to feel her presence in my empty life.

But with each passing dream, a new hoped arrived; a hope of her reappearance, within me.

 With the desire to touch her, my eyes flicked open; ending the journey mid way, only to find no one around, I used to scan here and there, gaping in disbelief, Udita is no more, mine.

My four years in the college went fighting with myself, at the end of which I assumed she won't be coming back. 

But do we need to love a person till they love us??

But did Udita ever love me? 

If she did, then how could love subside so drastically?

 If not, then why did she spend all those years with me?? 

Why did she promise so much? Why did she leave me alone? 

Why did you go away Udita, Why? 

You knew I am and always will be incomplete without you, yet??

19th Dec, 2006...

Dear diary,

Four years, since I had seen her and things were falling in places, I'd assumed my love to be one-sided and learned to live with my pain. 

But yesterday everything changed, I saw her! Not in my dreams but in reality, and for few minutes my world got stuck!!

She...she looked changed but beautiful as ever, spotless skin, smooth, her nose little blunt; but I had loved it too ,her lips without any artificial gloss were shining, her sharp curves ,her health was same as I had seen her, dressed in blue jeans coupled by a black shirt ,she looked wonderful.

Lost in my thoughts I never noticed when she approached towards me, and said

 "Hi, Aryan”

Her voice was soft, as it used to be, but it woke me up from my imagination. Instead of responding to her words, I closed my eyes and moved back; with she standing there I just walked away.

For all I had gone through in those years, I cannot let her know that I still loved her, with all my broken pieces that I felt totally incomplete without her, that I had cried for her night after night. 

But I don't know why I did this, I needed her, I craved for her yet I just let her go...again

.