Perpetual journey.

A small dot can stop a sentence but few more dots can give it continuity.

What will you do when life puts more boulders in your path than sleek slopes? Most of us would have surrendered. Well not so Stella, instead of putting down her head she opted to fight for her family, love and for everything that came in her way.

Did she win her battles? What were those boulders? What was the result she got for all the effort? Witness her story with her view.

Eventually we reached our destination, small town in Ireland; Waterford. We had to shift our home, after what happened it was the need of the hour. My mom needed it the most.

This house was not that big, well neither was our family now!

Two rooms, I got the one facing the front yard. A common bathroom near the stairs and a small kitchen.  

“This is just about perfect, don’t you think Stella? “Enquired my mom.

“Hmm, yap”, this was all I could manage.

“Mom, I would rather go and check my room upstairs”

“Oh, ya. You should, all your belongings are placed, and you just have to kepe them according to your choice.

The room was small compared to my previous one, but I decide to love it too, nor that I had a choice.

Wooden floor, a bed, a study table, green lace curtains…

 “I will survive in this little grave of mine” I sighed.

The rest of the day went away in unpacking my stuffs and arranging them around. I gave a look outside, the weather was hazy, clouds scattered with no signs of sun; much to my amusement.

Despite all those incidents happening in their life, hell refused to break loose, the birds were flying as usual and people were involved around, as they were yesterday.  But it was Stella and her mom, for whom life seemed to stuck.

Stella lost her father when she barely managed to walk. And as if this was not enough, her brother committed suicide a month ago. 

After the latter incident her mother lost control over herself, it was then Stella convinced her that living in the same house and city will do no good. They needed to get rid of their past, because it had nothing in store for them…. 

.

Perpetual journey.

With reference to the blog post Teenage love, I am starting this new and 3rd story of mine.

Titled Perpetual journey (where every ending can be a new beginning)

A journey of Stella, her mom and how she tackles her relations, old and new of her life. 

Wooden memories...

“I am Raen.”

“Oh, you are one of the survivors of that house”!

“So, will you direct me to the way..?”

“Yap, sure...take left from that corner and then the first right, go straight for a bit, and the house’ll be right there.”

Raen nodded. “Okay” he said.

And then he was making his way through the winding road, driving through few pot holes, he finally got there.

Surrounded by thick columns and rusting wrought-iron fencing, the once so called ‘his home’, now faded and black. He took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, “I have to face this.” He said to himself.

The dirt pathway leading to the door, was rutted, a thick layer of grass surrounded it from either sides. Raen took out the keys and opened the lock; he heard the hinge groan as he pushed through the gate.

The first step, drafted him to the pool of past memories;

******************

“Your school’s over, right?” enquired Raen, with an innocent stare.

“Yap”, answered Doris.

“Then why do you keep studying? “

“Because I want to, it has nothing to do with the school” she replied back.

“Who was guy you were talking to, last night?”

“You saw him? “

“I have been seeing him for the last 2 months.”

“Then, why are you asking me today?”
He stared at her, “mom and dad don’t like him”

“Who told you that?”

“I have seen them arguing over that matter, and it was not going good “

“They don’t like him, do they? “He mused again.

Seeing the pain on her sister’s face, he knew what the answer was.

“You guys love each other? “

“It doesn’t change the fact that he is hated in his house.”

“You are pulling away!! “

“It’s more than love”

“Meaning?”

“You are too small to understand its pros and cons”.

Although Raen was 10 years old then, but he knew something was going wrong between his sister and his parents. But what he failed to understand was, ‘why his sister was arguing them for a person who didn’t even belong to their family.’?

***************

Raen advanced further, what he could remember was some vague old memories.

The wall’s exterior, which happened to be white at a time, now had black scratches all over; still the overall appearance was appealing. Straight was their room, at one point of time, they used to fight every day to capture the window side of the bed... He missed those days, he craved for those fights now and over all, he missed his sister.

***************

“What we gonna do for your birthday? “

“Nothing! “

“Throw a party, with mom and dad, few of my friends. “

“Your friends?” she raised her eye a little.

“Actually there’s a girl in my class, we stare at each other at times.”

“And….?”

“And I was just thinking if we could invite her, maybe we could talk… “He stopped as she saw his sister making faces.

A moment later she burst off, “you are 11 and u Howe a gylfrynd “

“May be, you could stop laughing and then talk”

She didn’t stop and continued on on……

***************

He opened the door, there was hardly anything left in there, except a few boxes, the window’s glasses were creaked from sides, owing to the heat of the fire.

The whole room had one thing in common, everything was pitching dark.

******************

“What was her name?”

“Who?”

“Your female friend!” she said with two finger of both hand, pointing up.

“Mandy”

“Hmm…she seemed nice, I liked the way she smashed the cake at you face, he he he “

“Stop it, seemed like I was the birthday boy. The only problem is that they brought gifts addressed to you. “

******************

Getting close to one of the rooms in the ground floor, he set his gaze on the knob and kept staring at it, As soon as he placed his fingers on the cold metal, he was struck by noises people arguing inside and the voices seemed familiar....

**********************************

“Why don’t you understand I love him….and want to marry him.”

“We will decide who you gonna marry with, forget him! “

“I can’t do that “

“We have been saying this for over a month now, you just don’t know how to respect your elders, had you been our blood, you would have never said a word. You and your filthy brother, both are same.”

He slapped the girl; Raen opened the door and ran to her escape. He was taken aside and locked in his room.
Next thing he knew, when he woke up in the morning: police, ambulance sirens circling around the house. Little shocked he ran for his sister, but could not find her. All the elders were standing outside, and after last night incident he dared not to utter a word in front of them. Now he wonder who he was and what was his relation with them and where they have hidden his sister.?

Next week he was send to an orphanage, never to return back again. The only question he had where was his sister?

He got his answers 5 years later, at 18 he was handed the keys of the house with a statement – “you are the only member alive, your sister committed suicide, and one month after that the house caught fire, reasons unknown."

Neither he was interested as to why the house and its members got burned nor did he care about them. The thing he knew and which matter the most, the murderers of his sister were dead and they were not his parents.

The news brought some kind of havoc in his already messed up life, he was now indeed an orphan.

Life makes you taste the most bitter of drinks ever made, you just have to wish, all shall pass soon. Everything seemed gloomy after that, still he hanged around. And there he was at 23, walking on the rags of once so called “his home”.

With wet eyes he closed the door, and walked back outside. This house being the only memory of his sister.

Prompted for Thursday Tales : Tale #67.

Image(1st) - thursday tales.
(2nd) - Deviant art. 

Teenage love.

Teenage Love : the purest you would get in your life...more so, when it's your first. But does love really exists at 16??

Or it passes away with time as we grow up ?? May be it is one of the jokes, we crack with our friends.???

Taste the initial drops of love ,as Stella finds herself drowning deep in the thoughts of  Andrew. And how she wonders around the streets of Ireland, for some of her life's answers.....

You pass on the the streets,

and I walk near by you..

But you never tend to notice.

You laugh,share and hang out with

Darren, Kelly, Kim and Chris

and I never even appear close on your list..............
-Stella






stay in, as we cover up yet another relation.....




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love revolves around. # 8.

# 8.

22nd Dec, 2011...

Udita speaks….

Dear diary,

Human emotions: the more one focuses, the more it deepens with every single thought. The sooner one realizes its depth, better for them.

But the depth comes with its own set of complications and tangles.

When I had decided to leave him behind, things looked pretty simple ahead, independent life, no questions to be answered. But with the passage of time I realized it was his attitude, those silent talks, it was his love that I craved for the most.

My behavior was rather immature; with the lust of college life ahead I shattered few things around, him being the precious. I never got hold of my emotions; I even played in the hands of it. It’s not that I led my life slip away.  Although I lost my love, but I never let it happen to others.

I saw Aryan before he met with that ugly accident, he did smiled at me, but as soon as the gravity of the situation dawned upon him, it faded. And before I could have expressed my feelings, he just walked away. 

I saw him taking his steps back, I felt helpless, with his behavior it reflected that he hated me, reason being the obvious.

I lost all my hopes, it was getting difficult for me, trying to be happy all the time and I just didn't have the energy anymore. His act of stepping back haunted me like ghost in the following days, then it struck me , what he would have gone through when I had done the same?, a few years back, with more cruel attitude, the answer lied in front of me.

I met him again, few days following our previous meeting, hospitalized, bandaged head, soaked in blood. It came in the papers that a car was brutally hit by a lorry, the name of the driver got my attention and I ended up outside the I.C.U.

Doctors revealed he has suffered severe head injuries and needed to be kept in there, for next 48 hours.

I prayed my heart out in that time and the almighty didn't let my wishes down, Aryan showed remarkable improvement and was soon shifted to general ward.

After six tough days I gathered all my courage to face him, again. As I entered the ward, he gave me the same smile, as our eyes met.

But I saw it fade away, yet again! As the distance shortened.

 "How do you feel now, Aryan?”

With a confused expression he replied back "Sorry! But I don't seem to recognize you, have we ever met?"

His words struck me hard and before I could sense the situation or reply to his query, the attendant asked me to let the patient get some rest; he has been advised not to put too much stress.

And then suddenly the words fall upon me, the words of the doctor echoed in my ears. I understood everything.

With a grin, I answered back to Aryan, "We had met once at the airport before the accident. We would talk more about it, but now it seems you need some rest. I live nearby and would give you a visit soon, till then take rest and recover quickly."

“Thanks for the visit and for your concern, don't know why your voice seems very soothing...”

With a smile I left the room and his words fading in the background... "She seemed so concerned about me; I wish I could remember her...”

With heavy steps I walked down the stairs, wishing the ground would swallow me inside. I was never prepared for this situation; I mean 'how this is possible? 'One thing that came good was that I was out of his life and memory, forever and he would never shed a tear for me.

I left his world and never went back to him neither did I hear of him again, perhaps destiny didn't want us to be together, on the bigger part it washed me out of his life.

My love for him grew with the days following that incident, today is 22nd Dec, the day we had touched and kissed each other for the first time. I remember him every day and miss him madly, but I guess; now I have a lot bigger reason to live my life.

After I had convinced myself that nothing could be done, things began to drift apart, again! I could feel myself slipping into my old habits and that I realized I could never get over him, marriage was never an option and then out of the blues, an angel stepped into my life...

One morning when I woke up late, tired from lack of sleep, I noticed a clipping in the newspaper:

A male child was found in the rags this morning; his crying made the locals notice him. The boy has been handed over to the city hospital….

My gaze shifted to the boy’s photo, and the very next moment I made up my mind. I was going to adopt him. After a month of several paper works, I finally brought the child home and at the back of my mind I knew what I was going to call him.

Although I was wiped out of Aryan’s life and it was not going smooth without him, I decided to give all my love to the baby and named him ARYAN.

“Ma”

She closed her diary, and turned to face her son.

"Hey, what’s the matter dear?”

"I am feeling little hungry,” Aryan muttered rubbing his tiny belly.

"Sure, tell me what you wanna eat”

His face lightened up seeing his mother agree to his query. Udita got up straighten her back, took Aryan in her arms and moved out.  Mid-way to the dining hall, a quotation on the wall made the little child smile. His name was engraved with his mom’s…….

                            

                              Aryan and Udita

.

.

love revolves around. # 7.

#7.

Aryan speaks....

29th Nov, 2006.

Aryan in one of his diary entries:

Dear diary,

Udita is gone and she will never be back, I kept neglecting the reality for almost 4 years now,

Wondering from place to place, none of them provided me with any kind of solace, just unwelcoming torture and pain. 

Today, I set ablaze the letters, gifts, and few shirts which she gave me once. 

Watching them fade away, pins and needles ran up the back of my neck.

 But I knew these would never erase her, all the bundle of memories is too reluctant to go away.

Frankly speaking, I still remember her scent at odd times of the day...

The days passed away with a blink of an eye,

now I feel your absence

with a pain inside.

Your walking away from my life,

made me realise

how much dependent I was,

in that little span of time.

The last four years were the toughest, I remember the days following her exist and thinking about them still makes me shiver. 

I had dreamed everything with her, every decision was connected to her, like an adjective to a noun, and she followed me everywhere. 

But nothing has changed much in these years; like a rising sun, she made her omnipresence felt, but her rays were not warm; instead they pierced me from every corner. 

It became intolerable for me to bear the pain; even my salt waters were ineffective. The healing process lasted for days, but with its departure another one followed. 

At last I surrendered, she was unforgettable.

Like passing clouds in the sky, her dreams brushed me every other night; they were my only means to see her, to capture her cute smile; which used to suck out every little trauma of worries from my life, to brush her face with my hand, to feel her presence in my empty life.

But with each passing dream, a new hoped arrived; a hope of her reappearance, within me.

 With the desire to touch her, my eyes flicked open; ending the journey mid way, only to find no one around, I used to scan here and there, gaping in disbelief, Udita is no more, mine.

My four years in the college went fighting with myself, at the end of which I assumed she won't be coming back. 

But do we need to love a person till they love us??

But did Udita ever love me? 

If she did, then how could love subside so drastically?

 If not, then why did she spend all those years with me?? 

Why did she promise so much? Why did she leave me alone? 

Why did you go away Udita, Why? 

You knew I am and always will be incomplete without you, yet??

19th Dec, 2006...

Dear diary,

Four years, since I had seen her and things were falling in places, I'd assumed my love to be one-sided and learned to live with my pain. 

But yesterday everything changed, I saw her! Not in my dreams but in reality, and for few minutes my world got stuck!!

She...she looked changed but beautiful as ever, spotless skin, smooth, her nose little blunt; but I had loved it too ,her lips without any artificial gloss were shining, her sharp curves ,her health was same as I had seen her, dressed in blue jeans coupled by a black shirt ,she looked wonderful.

Lost in my thoughts I never noticed when she approached towards me, and said

 "Hi, Aryan”

Her voice was soft, as it used to be, but it woke me up from my imagination. Instead of responding to her words, I closed my eyes and moved back; with she standing there I just walked away.

For all I had gone through in those years, I cannot let her know that I still loved her, with all my broken pieces that I felt totally incomplete without her, that I had cried for her night after night. 

But I don't know why I did this, I needed her, I craved for her yet I just let her go...again

.

love revolves around # 6.

#6

continued from Udita's struggle.

The college life for which she had waited so much resulted in a dull experience, proceeding the initial few months. Love as is said can do anything to a person. She did manage to make few good and trusted friends there. But she had now realized the reason for her sorrows.

"Why are you making your life miserable, Udita? And why the hell you are regretting your decision......now? Christ! You look terrible, udi ", Smriti studied her face before giving her a hug.

(Smriti was one of the few friends in her college who knows about her past and present, Alfi being the other)She was out of the town for some domestic work, the day she pressed her feet in the college she straight way rushed to Udita's room. And to no surprise she found Udita sprawled uncomfortably on the bed.

“I don't know Smriti; it’s just that I have started missing him..... And the guilt of letting him suffer, is eating me from within" Udita uttered weakly.

"Honey, perhaps it’s too late to make any amend, you tried your best to find him. And there's nothing sort of guilt in it. You did what was best for you in that circumstances .Perhaps as a human I would say that you could have done things mutually, rather than backing off the scene totally. But then, we humans are somewhat born selfish."

"May be you are right but perhaps I have done a huge mistake. He was my first love and I let him go through all those difficult stages.... alone, I left him when he needed me the most. “A lump formed in her throat and tears welled in her eyes.

"Hey, hey. Listen to me, there’s no use of shedding tears now, all those instances are of past. You yourself opened a chapter which was well and truly closed, remember how strong you were the day you entered this college? ”

“I have felt what it takes when your love turns the back at you, perhaps not to the extend he must have done, but it hurts. “She answered groggily. Sobbing fat, salty tears, her eyes were red and sore.

"Seeing your condition udi, I wish there was some delete button in your life, delete someone, some memories, or such. If not, you have to do it by yourself because we are almost to the end of our terms, I don't want you to screw your career like this."

"Don't worry Smriti, I won't indulge myself in such a mess, after all I have duties as a daughter as well" she smiled weakly.

"You better do it girl; you almost forgot him the day you had swapedp in here. I am sure a new job; new city would lower your sorrows”

"I wish it does”

"Okay, get up and get involved in some meaningful work”

"Thanks for coming around, Smriti .I feel little better now”

“You know, friends and family can help you greatly in these circumstances. I am not totally sure about family but the former can play their part well. "

Udita smiled sadly.

"I am leaving now; Alfi would be waiting for me as well. See you soon and take care of yourself “Smriti said while closing the door behind her.

She may fool others around but inside she knew how much she still craved for him. She felt disheartened for ending their relation and at the same time, she felt helpless as she could do nothing about it.

Looking at the closed door she remembered, how he used to come to her house in the absence of her parents. 

The 1st time they did that,  resulted in their first ever kiss and how  they had planned to end the gap between them, how affectionately he had cupped up her face in his hands before planting the kiss.

The night before she had challenged him....

*                *               *                  *               

        

“You cannot do it Aryan; you do not have the guts to touch me."

"Hey, is this a challenge or what?”

"As you wish to take it”

"I love challenges”.

"That, we would see tomorrow”

*                *               *                 *

“Those years are gone..." she muttered as she came back to reality.

“I murdered our love Aryan, our dream of getting married, living together forever, I just murdered everything.......”